George Carlin (1937-2008)

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."

RIP to one of the great comedians of the last century.

Can I build a setlist through social media?

Social media has done a lot for me in recent months. First, my roommate and I used Flickr, Craig's List and Google Documents as we secured an apartment in Arlington while being 3,000 miles apart. Twitter and Facebook have been instrumental in getting the word out about impromptu Acoustic performances.

So, here's my newest challenge to social media. Help me determine my setlist for next Saturday.

On Saturday, June 21st, I'm bringing out the Acoustic guitar once again and hitting the stage at Ireland's Four Courts on Wilson Blvd. right near the Courthouse metro stop. When I get up there at 9:00 p.m. (or so), I want to have a rip roaring list ready to go.

So, here's what I'm asking. I'll string together about 8 songs. The two middle songs in the set will be determined by anyone who cares to tell me, comment, mock me, etc. How will you know I did it? These two songs will also go up on YouTube. Even better, they will (hopefully) be sent live to Qik.



I'm actually so excited by all of this that, for the first time ever, we are lowering the threat level to "Possibly."

The Most Likely To Die Alone Threat Advisory System

A few months ago, I created the Threat Advisory System to classify the extent to which I was likely to die alone. I thought it would be a helpful exercise to go through the qualifications for each level.

You can always keep up-to-date on exactly how ridiculous everything has gotten by just looking in the sidebar on the right, which has the current status and, of course, the ability for you to download your own MLTDA badges to you determine your own self-demeaning, sardonic and tongue-in-cheek threat! Collect all five!


I mean, if you can plan ahead for an elevated level, it makes your commute and travel *so much easier.* So, let's take a gander at each of the statuses:

Lucky: This is probably never going to happen, but it would apply to a situation that indicates that I have toned-down the sarcasm and long-winded sentences long enough to avoid the label of "crazy." Where's the fun in that?

Possibly: This is sort of the "hopeful" level in which you begin to believe. No posts have received this stamp of optimism. Probably will involved music or live, streaming video.

Elevated: This is the normal, operating protocol when it comes to life here in the District. Usually full of carefully fabricated puns, random Pop Culture references, hero-worship of one of several man crushes, and political topics. It requires a delicate balance, because if things get too ridiculous, there's a good chance they could move to...

Likely: When things begin to get out of hand and there is evidence of specific, threat inducing craziness, the likely level may come out of the woodwork. Think of it this way, if it is just a crazy idea, it's probably not that much to worry about. If it's something that's potentially been done, incidentally or as a habit, things can cross the threshold. Remember, when we are at a likely threat level to give yourself more time when getting through airport security.

Doomed: The most extreme level, reserved for impending and permanent threat of dying alone. Most likely, this involves me trying actively to do something ridiculous. As an example, let's say I were to put on a blue shirt and khakis, go to a Chili's, and walk around asking everyone how their meal was while cleaning up dirty plates. Let's also say I recorded it, put it on YouTube and actually thought people would find it funny. (I have always wanted to do this, for the record).

As of this post, I'm going to normal things out (even though there was way too much photoshopping involved in this post) to 'Elevated.' As promised, here are all five badges for you to steal. Feel free to take and link back here:

The trick to riding the Metro: Judge

Summertime in the nation's capital is clearly creeping up. The humidity was cranked up to 11 over the weekend and it looks like Friday could bring us above 90 for the first time this season.

You know what else that means? Tourists. And they'll be on the metro. You know it.


I was thinking this morning on the way in that there are a few secrets to making sure your Metro commute is as obnoxious as possible. If you have your white headphones and number two pencils ready, let's begin. Just remember, when in doubt: judge.

1. Perfect the eye-roll. This is incredibly useful in several situations. Most common? The look of disgust at an out-of-towner who's studying the Metro map. It's that look that says, "Oh, McPherson Square will get you *kind of close* but don't ask me." You can also use this in the morning at the person who sticks their briefcase in the door of an already jammed car to get on board.
2. Practice your snark. Remember, that foreign gentleman who is standing on the left of the escalator may not understand your "Excuse me," but sarcasm is the world's tongue.
3. Always act really frustrated when someone's SmartTrip card doesn't work the first time. It's the only way they will know that the .7 seconds it takes to press their wallet against it a second time has completely disappointed you.
   
4. Don't be selfish. Move into the window. Sure, there's four other seats that have both open, but let's be honest. You just like being that guy.

I thought the South was supposed to be more pleasant.